Founder, Spiritual Counselor, Writer/Contributor
Accelerating Aspiring Changemakers Through Ayahuasca Spiritual Development
Primary Plant: Ayahuasca
Ran Ayahuasca Center in the Amazon
- Five years in a small village in the Peruvian Amazon with local shamans.
- Still leads groups to Peru
- Certified Spiritual Counselor
- Spiritual Development Instructor
- Shamanic Practitioner
- Deep Process Work Facilitator
- Spent five years in the Amazon, then another five in Washington DC (learning to raise a child)
- Integration of Medicine work into society is key to becoming the change
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Meghan's Personal Blogsite
The way I see it, the ego is there as a defender of our weak, vulnerable, fear spots. Not an enemy, actually an ally at times where it’s the only reason we survived. But after awhile, those belief systems become solid, and route thoughts through the maze of what the deeper, mis-aligned belief is. In order to get to the spaces that need healing, we need to move the protector walls out of the way (once we’re ready to feel the feelings underneath – which is all emotional purging really is.) Ego work lets us access the roots.
For the Ayahuasca spiritual path, without personal aftercare, acclimation and integration of our ceremonial experiences, a person can be left with newfound information they feel they can’t use, sometimes causing more internal strife now that they know what they’re missing.
Part of me wishes I could’ve kept up with it during this massive five year process, part of me knows that I just couldn’t. Sometimes you have to experience something in it’s entirety, without commentary about it (especially before the 20/20 hindsight kicks in!)
Admitting entitlement can be even harder than admitting arrogance. Add a life of privilege to the mix, and many of us feel we have no right to even talk about the internal experience and struggle this ego aspect can cause. It’s shameful and embarrassing, but if it’s there, it needs to be dealt with.
Seven years with a spiritual connection structure to stand on, allowing me to constantly feel my spirit, and welcoming the challenge to continue releasing more negative aspects of my mind and ego. Then the bottom dropped out.
FULL ARTICLE: We Can’t Go Back (On Spiritual Connection)
It’s hard to believe it’s been almost nine years since I first stepped foot into the Amazon jungle. It was like a dream that lasted for years; so hyper-real that it now seems almost like an illusion. I had no idea when I embarked on my personal journey that I would find myself and my spirit; and that my calling would lead across the globe, into the thickness of the South American jungle, and through the eyes of a sacred plant they locally call Ayahuasca.
FULL ARTICLE: Ayahuasca Shamanism: An Apprentice’s Perspective
Daydreams are easy to write off as simply wanderings of the mind during phases of boredom. Sometimes they escalate into larger dreams, adding excitement or urgency to the equation. But are these mental musings simply little life distractions? Or can they clue us in to something happening deeper, within the subconscious levels of the heart?
The hard part about being a dreamer, is that there are certain practical applications one needs to be able to actually manifest the dream. And for those of us who have roots in the hippie, artist, “new agey spiritual”, etc worlds – well, the cultural norms tend to be of the mindset that damns the Man, condescends on the mainstream, and assumes the worst about the faceless 1%.
Deeper explanation about the energetic systems that move the Law of Attractions (and how knowing them can help avoid potential pitfalls)…
A deeper looking into the spirit of the Ayahuasca Medicine (including how that energy builds and melds with an individual’s spirit’s medicine) that results in love, healing and ability to share it with others.
Story of how Meghan’s son, Campbell, decided to make his journey into the world…
You want to know how to be a mother? Teach this child to love without fear, by example.” It strikes me this is exactly what the Medicine does – loving unconditionally as we release our darkness into her open arms. “All is in Divine Order. The second you lay eyes on that child, any doubts you have in regards to that will completely disappear.” “For real for real?” I ask. “For real for real.”
The Ayahuasca Medicine told me I was ready for the next level. I wasn’t expecting it to be in the form of parenthood!
This fear of failure, it actually sounded like depths of some of the more fear-based aspects of religion passed on through the roots of our generations, still deeply seeped in the collective consciousness. The concept of not being inherently valuable…I have to do something to create worth. Could it not be possible (says my Higher Self) that your essence, your spirit, is the value?
The old relationship triggers are still ready to fight. Early on I developed the “fantasy” defense, the “white picket fence, over the top romantic, save-me-from-myself” kind of deal. She personified as a combination of domesticated June Cleaver/Suzy Housewife and “cool girlfriend” (trying to be “low maintenance” and sacrificing my boundaries and self-respect by being “cool” about cheating, etc.) But my true self knew that was bullshit.
This is still raw, but the belief system is actively shifting underneath me, even as I write I can feel it’s thick, slow movement. But clearing out this collective consciousness purge in order to actually see it gave me the ability to shine light on it, soften it up, strengthen the muscles of the new, aligned belief system and watch that big huge building crumble.
…but it kind of fizzled down as that purge seems to be coming to completion. I’m developing the freedom to choose, intead of subconsiously rebelling against myself. It all came to a head last weekend. Sometimes it’s not an obvious trigger.
The question is, am I in service or not? Am I willing to do what it takes to be in spiritual service? I feel like it’s “selling in” (vs. “selling out”) – like a Peruvian mother who sacrifices time with her children to work in the US and send them money – that’s what I feel like I’m doing for a little while. Funding Life Purpose.
But longing is not honoring the love at all. It is honoring the fear. It is a way of distracting. It is a way from avoiding feeling the feelings I may have actually been feeling underneath, which for me, would be a self-fulfilling prophecy of the self-doubt that says…’see, you really aren’t good enough’.
Part of releasing this core self-doubt involves learning to manage its defense mechanism: control. Trying to force someone to like me. Trying to force myself into being someone else to make them like me. The last “blanket” of crap, muting my true colors. Including substances – like food and cigarettes.
So I began exploring the “fight or flight” defense mechanism around relationships (or anything for that matter.) That knee jerk would not be there if I didn’t have a weak spot underneath that needed defending. If I were 100% secure and free to love, why would the mechanism be needed? There would be no trigger. So here is where I bump up against society’s collective one – so how do you do this without being a total pushover?
So here goes nothing – getting the shit out so I can live freely as I want. Whether it’s this guy or not, someone (in addition to myself) is going to be quite happy I’m too much of a stubborn ass to settle for being any less happy than absolutely possible, so much to the point I’m willing to dive into the flames and assume I’ll figure out how to get through to the other side.
I’ve gotten better at not judging the catalyst, or the feelings coming up inside. Sometimes my ego wants to deem them really superficial, assuming that they must be some dumb shit I should have been done with a long time ago. But I really don’t think that’s they way it works. The outer catalyst that rings the trigger chord can be anything, but that chord may very well resonate all the way down to the core of the heart wound.
Imagine (home after Ayahuasca ceremony) – running strong and clear on Life Purpose, and exactly what steps to take. You know consciously that you may walk back into a cloud of naysayers and fear-based doubters. You swear you will hold to your integrity and truth. You get back strong. Start to tell people your idea, timidly at first. Some respond well, some don’t. Time passes. I’ll just shelf this idea for awhile until I get settled. Now you’re settled. Once this happens, or that. Your dream has officially been swallowed by the Matrix. Where’s the wisdom of Ayahuasca in everyday life?
The Life Purposes almost always involve helping others in some way, shape or form. For some, it is working for a cause, domestic or international. For others, it’s spreading abundance to people who may be seeking it. For many, it’s a form of art, music, dance – things that strike imperative chords to keep us going along the often turbulent path. Or simply to do one’s best to bring a positive child into the world, so they can live out theirs. Whatever it may be, a stupid money block is not worth fucking around with a big picture like this.
I know it’s all in Order, I know it’s all a gift (and I’m not just “positive thinking” that, it’s really true, I can already see the personal benefits). However, the anger was still sitting in there, like a piece of hard feces yearning for a colonic. It was easy, and now I feel a lot better. Done completely, probably not. But at least I feel back to myself again, after a couple weeks of feeling ‘off’, and a bit depressed even (what is the saying, depression is just repressed anger?)
No one claims to like or be a part of, and is most of the time considered a very superficial, annoying part of life. I have come to understand how dark, sneaky, and serious this little energy can be.
Ayahuasca Ceremony #211/ Plant Diet #6 with Crystals: Belief Systems Popping Loose like Weak Rubberbands
The evolving truth, as I see it at the moment, is that there cannot be a ‘static set of goals’, whether self or group created. Because things are always in motion. For one person trapped in a fear-based belief system, breaking free and drinking a soda may allow them the liberation energetically that unentraps them. For another, the discipline in breaking free of the habitual 10 cokes a day may be their peace. It’s all about balance, to get back to the middle no matter which side of the spectrum you are on.
On money, ego, judgement, and abilities…
Moving through the levels of my Ayahuasca shamanic apprenticeship in the Peruvian Amazon
Ayahuasca Apprenticeship is tricky. It can be exhausting and extremely confusing. Learning when to stand strong and when to be a puddle on the floor is imperative. All of these things are learned in time, if you keep focus on the intention. But we really cannot do it alone. When resentment bubbles build in the body, they become toxic until they explode. We must communicate, to avoid these Ayahuasca apprenticeship pitfalls.
Is it also possible, that the Universe is so vast, that to even try to understand something like that through a human ego mind is almost laughable? Probably, yet the seeking is part of the experience. So we ask, and we mull. Could it be that something absolutely could be true in my world, because I chose it, and something seemingly opposite be true in someone else’s?
RadioHuasca Interview with Meghan Shannon from Infinite Light Peru Ayahuasca Center – Audio and Transcription
So this time around we’re catching up with Meghan from Infinite Light center in Peru. The website is infinitelightperu.com. It’s a place I’ve only heard good things about, and Meghan’s story in itself is a classic tale of shamanic calling and adventure.
To try to jump levels would be to oppress real things in our consciousness that are there (causing toxic, out of control buildups and explosions), and meant to be understood at this level, so that we can learn to manage them fully informed, and continue to rise to the next one. To pretend something is not in our consciousness and hide from it causes much more chaos than actually looking at it through conscious eyes. So what about the Spiritual Warrior?
I ended up completing the last few days of the diet alone at the house in the village. I needed to be away from other people, so I could clear my head. By the time the diet was complete and everyone came back, I knew why I needed to leave.
Could I really do this? Apprenticeship? Did I really have it in me? I was near a danger zone of falling into the abyss of caving to the insecurity and the exhaustion of feeling it. Long after the rhythm of the ceremony had settled down to smooth ocean waves, I all of a sudden wanted to hear my own Icaros. “Why? They don’t even work” my insecure voice said in my head. I dominated it with my true spirit’s voice and knew it was an okay time energetically to contribute. So I began.
Purging the initial fear when I first started: scary as shit. Purging the years of drug use: like the worst “bad trip” ever. Purging layers of ego: took every ounce of humility I could muster to move an inch at a time. But purging the fear-based consciousness out of my heart…that was a whole other thing.
I didn’t even know you could actually purge layers of the crap in the Western Consciousness out of an individual body. It was all fear. Fear manifested in the form of feeling abandoned, or rejected, or separated in any form. Which causes the ego to build defenses to protect, since there is a perceived void in the foundational structure.
So what is Ayahuasca? It is one of the keys to the doorway to the real reality. For people who want to walk the integrated balance between the physical and the spiritual worlds, enjoying and appreciating who they truly are, without judgment, without fear. For those of us who want to experience life’s full gamut, and are ready, willing, and able to accept the challenge. We know who we are.
Moving through the levels of spirit work in Ayahuasca Shamanic Apprenticeship…
Reading over that story in hindsight (years after I wrote it) made me laugh out loud at parts. It was so insanely intense at the time – maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But now, after four years of Medicine and experience, it blows my mind some of the things I believed. Like the shamans were above getting swept up in gossip. And my emotional purges with the jealousy! My God – and I wasn’t exaggerating either. Seriously, get a grip!
I asked again, and he continued to avoid the question. The longer I was in the room, the heavier the energy was beginning to feel. The conversation kept going around in circles, with a dark, looming energy coming out of his mouth. It was strong enough that I called in spiritual light protection so that it didn’t get inside of me. I couldn’t tell what it was…subconscious negative intentions?
I felt the extremes of this decision weighing heavily on me: if he was bad and I was being played, and blindly pursue this work with a shaman who is not in integrity (or possibly worse) I’d be bringing people to a “false prophet” or even spiritual danger (I was hearing this, and still not knowing if I believed that was possible or not). The other choice would be to play it safe and walk away from everything, and if he was as light as I want to believe, potentially taking away the ability for people to truly and deeply save themselves from the dark forces running their lives.
The torrential winds of gossip blew as the energy in the village become more and more tense. I started hearing rumors from people who worked at the original program that we were being talked about in ceremony, even speculation that we were having dark forces sent our way. The energy when we walked by the Elder’s house became a chore to trudge through. It was getting to the point that I had mixed feelings even having ceremonies there.
I would catch little comments here and there about Luco, and even hidden laughter as they all invited extended family and friends to partake in the “free” daily lunches that Luco was paying for out of his own pocket (yet wasn’t physically there to participate in.)
What finally happened when I was able to face the energy of jealousy within myself during an Ayahuasca ceremony (which had taken form after all the years of build…)
FULL ARTICLE: Ayahuasca Ceremony #13: Jealousy Purge
Real-world triggers catalyze the pent up jealousy in my body, preparing it for a massive emotional purge…
We got back to the village, my first time in over six months, and I felt different. I felt like an actual Ayahuasca shamanic apprentice. Plus, I was now unofficially seeing Luco. That brought up a whole slew of other emotions and self-judgements as I worried what the people in the village thought of me.
For the first few days, it was magical. He took me everywhere. To the butterfly farm, to Quistococha (the beach/zoo place), out on a little boat around Belen. We had fish on the bone at a cool restaurant overlooking the water in Nanay. We even went dancing at the discoteque!
Emotionally purging? Yeah that felt about right, considering I felt completely out of control. I followed him to the ceremony house, where he led me to a hammock and prepared for my ventiada (which is basically a channeled Medicine healing through Icaros – Medicine communication songs – directly to one person.)
FULL ARTICLE: Ayahuasca Ceremony #7-11: First Emotional Purge
I felt so connected to my true self after working in Ayahuasca ceremony. Like nothing could touch me – I’d seen myself and my truth and everything else would just – align. I didn’t expect a post-Ayahuasca crash. What I was not prepared for was my grand entrance back into society. I was fine for awhile…it was a gradual demise.
FULL ARTICLE: Post-Ayahuasca Crash (No Magic Pills)
We are about to partake in Ayahuasca ceremonies with indigenous shamans, on the native land where the plants grow in the Amazon. My heart lit up in intrigued excitement as to the rarity of the experience. You couldn’t force this shit to happen if you tried. After getting situated in our freighter-boat cabins, we got ready for a 12-hour ride along the Amazon river. It was late afternoon, and the sun was bright in the sky.
Early days of my Ayahuasca work
Story of my very first Ayahuasca ceremony (after swearing I would never do it again) leading into a several year shamanic apprenticeship in an Amazon jungle village in Peru
FULL ARTICLE: First Ayahuasca Ceremony: The Holy Shit Hour
The month leading up to Peru I was a mess. I’d learned so much at the spiritual development program, and I needed to integrate it in a new way. Spiritual development is a pandora’s box – the more you learn, the more you realize there is to work on.
He gently tossed handfuls of coca leaves on the table and began speaking, interpreting what he saw for me between the lines of the design in which they fell. Little did I know his prophecy would come true…
FULL ARTICLE: Coca Leaf Reading by Shaman in Peru (Andes)